


Silver Mornings

by ErinNovelist



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cancer, Character Death, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4523238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErinNovelist/pseuds/ErinNovelist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I fell in love with Cass on a silver morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silver Mornings

**Author's Note:**

> Also, this was written for my online creative writing class. I got an A on it.

I fell in love with Cass on a silver morning when winter reached out with a cold hand and clawed away the crisp autumn colors, leaving icy scars on barren tree branches and blistery white blood on the hard ground. Falling in love, much like winter, was horrible and destructive, like a firecracker in a paper bag, shredding my thin wall until all I had was the blood-stained tatters of my heart. The realization that I could love someone like I did Cass was devastating. It dug deep into my chest, squeezed my lungs between its tight fists, and stole my breath away. Even now, when his blue eyes burned like glowing goals under the hospital lights, my heart leapt into my throat. Those sparks in his beautiful eyes were already fading, their embers dying, and all I could do was fall harder. I was in love with my best friend, and the fact that I realized it now, right when I found out I was going to lose him forever, only broke my heart further.  
  
“You have options, Mr. Manson,” the doctor said. “We can make arrangements for you—”  
  
“No,” Cass said softly, but the word was like a gunshot. “I-I… How long do I have?”  
  
I clamped my hands over my ears, trying to block out all sound: the squeaky wheels of the passing gurneys, the chattering of chipper nurses, and the obnoxious beeping of the medical machines surrounding his Cass’ bed. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I had missed the chance to tune out the original diagnosis, when they had said things like  _brain tumor_  and  _inoperable_  and  _can’t do anything, sorry_ … I didn’t want to hear when he’d die.   
  
“—month, longer if we’re lucky,” the doctor was saying, but I couldn’t imagine it.  
  
Even after twenty-four years, Cass was always one of those things that I could never quite remember a single day without. Since I first met him on the playground back in preschool, separation was never a choice. Toddlers with Tonkas, the awkward adolescent times, and the tedious teenage years… we shared it all. We were the aces in a deck of cards, two hundred-dollar bills stuck in a stack of ones, and the double-rainbow on a rainy day. Sitting on the cherry-wood porch in his backyard, our parents would joke about our future wedding and their future grandchildren, but we just rolled our eyes. At that time, we scoffed at the idea of marriage and a baby carriage—perhaps because we both secretly knew it’d happen, but we were in no rush. We had plenty of life left to live and all the time in the world. Plus, we had each other, and that’s all we ever needed… until now.   
  
Long after the doctor left, I stared out the window and traced frost designs on the sill, different swirls of blue and white that glittered under the morning sun. Cass ran a pale hand through his dark hair, his eyes meeting mine in the reflection on the glass.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked me, but I remained quiet. Cass shouldn’t have been comforting me in his time of suffering, and yet I could only admire his strength.   
  
I sighed and swiveled the chair over to his bedside, refusing to meet his gaze. “What’s there to talk about?” I said. “You have a  _month_  to live, you’ve  _refused_  treatment, and I have to watch you  _die_.” My voice broke on the last word, and tears prickling in the corners of my eyes dripped down my cheeks like candlewax, thick and slow.   
  
A volcano erupted in the pit of my stomach, leaving behind a gaping chasm that threatened to swallow me into its deep, dark abyss. The changes Cass would face in the coming weeks were overwhelming: aphasia, blindness, memory loss, seizures, and death. I still hadn’t faced the reality that one day he’d leave and never come back and that there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.   
  
He sighed. “Sutton, it’s gonna be fine—”  
  
I felt helpless, and the only thing I could do was bend over the bed, clutch Cass close, and let out a carnage of heart-wrenching screams. It was the most unabashed, painful sadness I had ever suffered, but it was just another part of life. You couldn’t have happy without sad. How could things ever be good if they were never bad? Sadness was just an inevitable part of being human. There was a short beat of silence, and then Cass wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace, resting my head against his shoulder. My hands sank into the worn black fabric of his hoodie, scrambling to press into the side of neck so that I could feel the pitter-patter of his heart beneath my fingertips.  
  
“N-No, it’s not!” He sucked in a quick breath at my words, shuddering against me. “H-How could _you_ do this to _me_? Damn it, you’re… _Cass_ , and it’s not  _fair_. I-I… I  _love_ you.”  
  
He pulled away and cradled my face between his shaking hands, tremors rocketing through his body as he struggled to contain his own cries. “I-I… _I’m_  gonna be fine, Sutton.”  
  
Wiping the tears from my cheeks and brushing a lock of golden hair behind my ear, he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to the center of my forehead. I pursed my lips into a thin line and buried my head in the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply until I was breathing in his very essence, the taste of cinnamon and peppermint on the tip of my tongue.  
  
Eventually, I climbed into the bed, mindful of the IV and cords attached to his body, and snuggled close to him. He pulled my head onto his chest and ran a hand through my tangled curls, drawing pictures on my scalp until my sobs drifted into soft gasps. We laid in the silence, finding comfort in each other’s presence, until he drifted off into a light slumber. Even as the seconds ticked by, each one a grain of sand falling to the bottom of his hourglass, I stared at Cass’ face without saying a word.  
  
Reaching out with a trembling hand to brush the sweat-plastered fringe behind his ears, I wondered how I could ever live without him. In a few short weeks, I would lose him. I would never again see his wide eyes and bright smile, hear his deep, rough laughter, or feel his warm embrace. I also knew, because I was his best friend, that I had to be present as he deteriorated into a state of nothingness, just a cold corpse with a heartbreakingly familiar face, until he blew out that very last breath and left me forever.   
  
“Miss?” a voice said from the entrance of the hospital room.  
  
I peered over Cass’s bulky shoulder to find a petite brunette standing in the doorway, and I clutched him a little bit tighter. “He’s sleeping,” was all I offered.  
  
She flashed me a small smile. “Mr. Greene’s parents are here. They’re asking for you.”  
  
Pushing myself to my feet, I walked around the bed to join the nurse, but not before casting a quick glance over my shoulder, just to see Cass one last time. I caught a glimpse of his slumbering form, bathed in the silver sunlight that filtered through the blinds, and I couldn’t help but smile. Someday, I’d look back, and he’d be gone—but today, he was still here, and that was all that mattered.   
  
“Sleep well, Cass,” I said, swallowing a thick lump in my throat, and walked into the dimly lit hallway.  
  
The nurse closed the door softly behind us. “You two make a cute couple.”  
  
“He’s not my boyfriend.” My heart stammered to a halt. “Did you think he was?”  
  
She nodded. “That, or at least an ex.”  
  
Shaking my head, I laughed and crossed my arms. “No, he’s not my boyfriend or an ex.”  
  
“Then who is he?”  
  
“More like an ex-almost,” I told her.  
  
I fell in love with Cass on a silver morning when winter rode the sun over the horizon and draped a beautiful white blanket over the city, leaving a glittering wonderland for all to see. Falling in love was like any other natural disaster—there was never an opportune time for such things. The realization was unexpected but definitely desired. The fact that I realized it when I lost him forever only broke my heart, but at least he knew in the end.  
  
Cass left on a golden morning after the New Year, when the dawning sun rose and set the city ablaze with light. He died still loving me even if he never said it, and I never stopped.


End file.
